Reflections On Becoming a Father

One week ago today my life changed forever


I've struggled with what to write about this because I'm not sure an experience like having your first child can be put into words. So instead let me just pull a few thoughts and feelings from the jumble of emotions that's been running through me this past week.

I don't care how many ultrasounds I saw or kicks I felt, nothing could have prepared me for the first moments of seeing Elise. It was overwhelmingly wonderful, like nothing I've experienced before. After nine months, it was tough to believe it was real. It's been a great first week with her but nothing compares to those first few minutes.

Having Ellie has been a great reminder of the larger story. Last Monday was not such a hot day for news as the Dow dropped more points than in any other day in history. But even as caught snippets of the bad news later that night in our hospital room, nothing could have changed my mind that this was one of the best days of my life. What goes on in the world is important but my family is a larger and more important story. Thinking about that reminded me that even beyond my family there's a larger story still, God's story. I see introducing Ellie to that larger story as being my primary mission as a parent and it's good to have that reminder in the front of my mind during her first few days.

Ellie is a blast! I've been excited about being a dad but I didn't think it would be this much fun. It doesn't matter if she's awake or asleep, I just love being with her.

I was reminded again this week about how precious life is and how it needs to be defended. The fact that there are prominent leaders in this country (including one who could very well be our President) who, through their support of partial birth abortion, think it would have been perfectly acceptable to end Ellie's life just moments before she was born is horrifying. It makes me sick and furious just thinking about it. Thanks to our current President we don't, for now, need to worry about that particular evil act but there's still a long struggle ahead, both legally and for the hearts and minds of this country, to end abortion and defend life. Looking in my daughter's eyes I'm reminded again of just how worth it that cause is. Please, pray for the end of abortion and that we would have leaders who care about life.

Finally, I've been reminded again and again this week that if I can love Elise as much as I do, how much more does God love me? If I would do anything to protect and care for her, how much more is God desiring to protect and care for me? I'm thankful I'm Ellie's daddy but I'm even happier that she has another Daddy who loves her and cares for her even more than I do.

Ultrasound

We may only be halfway through the year, but I think I can confidently say that 2008 has been the most dynamic and change filled year of my life. Buying our first house and moving to an area of the Twin Cities neither of us was all that familiar with were big changes to be sure but nothing has come close to finding out at the end of January that we were expecting our first child.

Ever since then, I haven't gone more than a few weeks without my world being turned wonderfully on its head. First there was the pregnancy test, more than a little shocking since we hadn't planned on trying for a kid until later this year. About a month later came our first ultrasound. We saw her in the typical 2D ultrasound: black and white and grainy but to me it was the most beautiful picture in the world. We were able to see her heart beat that day. It's a moment I'll never forget.

More recently we found out that we were having a girl and my world changed again. I could put a name, Elise Ruth (Ellie), to the child inside Annie. A couple weeks later I was able to feel her kick for the first time and suddenly my daughter was very, very real.

Today was another one of those life changing moments. Separate from our normal doctor visits, we had a 4D ultrasound. I won't even try to explain the technology but using advanced equipment, this type of ultrasound moves way beyond your traditional dark and grainy picture and lets you see what your baby actually looks like. These are a couple of the pictures from the ultrasound



Even after having watched the ultrasound live (and been through the DVD twice with relatives), I'm still blown away looking at these pictures. When the Psalmist writes of being fearfully and wonderfully made, of being knit together in his mother's womb: this is what he's talking about. It's awesome. It's a miracle.

One final thought. Looking at these pictures I can't help but feel sad knowing there are hundreds of babies, just like Ellie, being killed in the womb every day. Both Ellie and all of the unborn are alive and their lives are worth defending. I watched my daughter smile today. It breaks my heart to know there are unborn children smiling one moment and being killed the next. No matter where you come down on the political spectrum, please pray for the end of abortion. Pray that God would soften hearts, that He would use images like this to help people to see. And for the mothers who have already made that choice, may they know His love and forgiveness and that their child will be waiting for them in the arms of the Father when they come home.